Permission to Lose Your Mind
Winter vacation is the late-night cup of coffee. You get all strung out on caffeinated happiness and then crash into a sea of confusion and regret.
Why are there so many people in my house, and why don't I like them anymore???
Fellow domestic soldiers, it is possible to fiercely love someone and simultaneously know you'll destroy them if they ask you for a snack one more freaking time.
We spend blissful days baking a million cookies and opening a million presents, living in pajamas and four-day hair, and then like the flip of an angry light switch, we swear off sugar, stuff, and sometimes our offspring.
The pendulum swing is too great, and we start to feel crazy. And the yelling. Oh, the yelling.
December 25th: "Merry Christmas, buddy! Here's a package of a dozen Star Wars ships!"
December 27th: "WILL SOMEONE PICK UP THESE STUPID STAR WARS SHIPS BEFORE I BREAK MY NECK AND THEN YOUR SPIRIT???"
Pendulum swing. Run for cover.
Which is why I love when winter break is over. Everything gets back to normal! That starts for my family today. Both my boys are back in school and my husband back at work, leaving me and Baby Annie to piddle and slow down in between drop-offs and pick-ups. I'm relieved because Routine, but, y'all, I'm also scared. What if things don't calm down like I expect them to? What if I stay crazy and keep yelling?
Because I never yell on a regular day.
But here's the thing. Routine doesn't make me a calmer mom; choice does. Also sleep. Maybe chocolate. Definitely Jesus. Fresh calendars and organized underwear drawers are lovely, but they aren't a solution.
So give yourself permission to lose your mind, but check yourself on why. If you feel crazy because your precious structure is coming apart, maybe you're depending on that structure more than you should.
Slash MORE THAN I SHOULD THIS IS THE HARDEST THING FOR ME OHMYGOSH. Which is why I'm sharing these words with you now. I'm basically talking to myself on the Internet. Totally normal.
So here's to fresh starts, the same olds, and patience in both kinds of moments.
We're gonna be okay. Happy New Year.