Bracket of Guys: Final Eight!
The East Hot Regional Final
#1 Colin Firth vs. #3 Jimmy Fallon
I'm concerned by the number of buttons on Colin's shirt, but aside from that, I'm realizing with each passing week that he's basically a perfect celebrity to appreciate from afar. We don't know a lot about him (he's fairly private), but he's charming, classy, self-depricating, and has gone on record that acting is just fun, no matter how dramatic people try and make it. And he doesn't resent playing Mr. Darcy in four films; in fact, he's grateful. I never would've guessed he'd make it this far, but I'm so glad he has.
Jimmy, on the other hand, is just Jimmy. He's everyone's little brother who happened to snag the most high profile talk show in the country. I'd go to bat that he's not actually that good (put away your pitchforks, please), but frankly he doesn't try to be. He's just himself - awkward, regular, and as much a fan of celebrities as the rest of us. I'd rather have Seth, Stephen, and even James, but I don't begrudge Jimmy his success; he definitely earned every bit.
The Midwest Hot Regional Final
#1 John Krasinski vs. #10 Benedict Cumberbatch
Is there an alternate universe where I don't have to make this decision? Can we go there, please? Let's be real - my decision is clear. It's just not easy. I'm an unapologetic Benedict Cumberbatch evangelist, and the only reason he isn't in my Final Four is because he's in the same region as my (already gone) James McAvoy. Yes, my James McAvoy. That said, John Krasinski is about as tough of an opponent as there can be. Neither is classically handsome, both are shocked by their sex symbol status, and while BC is clearly more talented and consistent in his work than John, no one can argue with the power of 1) Jim Halpert and 2) that dirty body in 13 Hours. I refuse to admit how many times I watched it in the span of one week. (Three. I watched it three times.) I believe the rest of you are like me; you know who you'll choose, but it doesn't make the decision hurt any less. Go in peace.
And just in case this is the last time I get to say it in this beloved Bracket of Guys, I LOVE YOU, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
The South Hot Regional Final
#1 Ryan Reynolds vs. #3 Matt Damon
Now, this one isn't hard. I don't know how you guys are going to vote here - an incredible tossup - but Matt Damon beats everyone always. In case you haven't heard (you have 100% heard), he's my most marryable celebrity. If it wasn't weird for me to say, I'd admit that I'm the tiniest bit in love with him, but it is weird for me to say since I'm happily married to my actual husband so... I won't say it. I won't say that I'm in love with him. Or that when his face comes on any screen for any reason - even those weird Stella Artois commercials - that I audibly gasp. It's fine it's fine everything's fine. Just keeping holding your daughter's backpack and blowing your bubble, Matthew Damon. YOU DO YOU, BABY.
But. Ryan Reynolds. I get it, y'all. Or at least I'm starting to. He's fine. Real talk, I need Facial Hair Ryan. Puffy Haircut and Clean-Shaven Ryan is not my favorite Ryan. I said it before and I'll say it again: he's going to have an impressive career when it's all said and done. An incredible character actor in a leading man's body.
The West Hot Regional Final
#1 Hugh Jackman vs. #3 Chris Pratt
Y'all, Hugh Jackman is stupid handsome. Have you ever searched for him on Google or Pinterest? Have you ever encountered scroll after scroll of his beautiful face? Because it's what heaven must be like. A throng of chiseled Australian angels.
Perhaps I've gone too far.
Like Colin Firth, I never expected Hugh to dominate the way he has, but week after week, it makes more sense. He loves his wife, his accent is magical, his body is ridiculous, his smile is melty, his personality is charming, his perspective is thoughtful, his way of being in the world is humble, and he can freaking dance. When the same guy can successfully host the Tony Awards and play Wolverine for a million years, you know you've got a winner. I've always thought he was great, but of all the Bracket of Guys contenders, he's the one whose star has risen in my eyes the most. I truly appreciate his body. Of work! His body of work.
And then there's Chris Pratt! Have y'all been watching him on Instagram and his What's My Snack bit? Hilarious and full of beautiful biceps. He just has it, that thing that makes him greater than the sum of his parts. From Andy Dwyer to wrestling dinosaurs in dirty Henley shirts, from being a doting father to smitten with his wife, from chubby to hello there, this guy has it all but still seems like he'd be cool just getting a beer with you.
This choice is IMPOSSIBLE.