That Time I Accidentally Wore a Dress Covered In Skulls
Wearing a nicer shirt under my overalls used to be my definition of "fancy," so when my high school best friend asked me to be her matron of honor, I knew I had to step up my game. The rehearsal dinner guests might not look favorably upon denim.
I went to my go-to Fancy Outfit store - the Dillard's outlet - and sifted through mountains of polyester shift dresses, hoping I'd hit the fashion jackpot. And I saw this.
As a teenager, I developed my fashion style from Highlights magazines, so other than my wedding dress, this $12 Dillard's find was basically couture. I was in love.
I'm just gonna say it. I felt hot in that thing. Temperature hot, yes, because it was essentially made of cardboard, but I really thought I was beautiful. And maybe I was, but this is not the point.
When Kaz and I left the church to go to the rehearsal dinner, it was dark outside. And it was only in that darkness that I discovered my couture dress was, in fact, glow-in-the-dark.
Not only that, the pretty little bow pattern? Full of skulls.
I was the matron of honor at my best friend's wedding, and I was wearing a glow-in-the-dark skull dress.
"The rest of the story" consists of cursing the event stylist for bathing the entire dining room in nothing but candlelight, trying not to die when I had to STAND UP IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE and give the matron of honor toast, and teetering on the brink of heatstroke because I wore Kaz's suit jacket as often as possible even though it was a thousand degrees.
All this happened when I was 21. When you're 21, you just want people to look at you like you're an adult. But then you wear a skull dress to a wedding, realize you are not as adult as you'd hoped, and Benjamin Button your way back to age 12, hoping no one sees you stress-eating cake in the corner.
So sweet 21 year-olds out there? You're never going to stop doing humiliating things. It's part of being a person, so smile a little. One day you might even laugh.