When You're Afraid of Being Good at Something
How are you at taking a compliment?
If you're a wizard person who doesn't get awkward and squirrely, please contact me immediately so I can ask you all the questions. If you do get awkward and squirrely, we have a support group that meets at the Elks Lodge on Thursdays at 8pm, and we just sit around in silence, smiling at each other.
I've never been good at receiving a kind word from someone, but I'm even worse at believing it. Anyone with me? Y'all, why is it so hard to be a person? To believe we're good at something? To ::gasp:: be brave enough to say it OUT LOUD?
I'm less than two months away from adding a new baby to our family, and the thought of saying, "Yeah, I'm a good mom, and I think I'll be able to do this three kid thing okay!" makes me want to die. Partly because I feel weird being confident, and partly because I'm afraid I'm wrong. And anytime someone tells me I'm a good mom, all of that insecurity bubbles to the surface, pitting me against myself. It's like I'm in my own stupid celebrity Twitter feud and I can't figure out how to turn off the Internet.
We're all good at something, and most of us might even know what it is. What are you good at? And are you brave enough to believe it for real? Real talk, I'm not. Not yet anyway.
When I say I'm good at something, I mistakenly believe that I have "arrived," that I'll never mess up again, that now I have to be the example for others to follow. That's bonkers ridiculous. Just because we're good at something doesn't mean we have to always be good at it. It's an impossible standard to meet. You can be a good mom and yell at your kids. You can be a good writer and publish a blog post that's garbage. You can be a good friend and forget everyone's birthdays. You're allowed to be a person who's not perfect.
So let's practice the freedom to be fully alive but still broken. Let's be willing to mess up in front of others. Let's not be flippant in receiving compliments. Let's believe it's okay to be good at something and even more willing to not always have to be.
So here goes. I'm not a terrible mother. That's about as complimentary as I can get today, but it's a start.