When You're Waiting and Don't Know What to Feel
"Kendra, you're about to give birth any day now! How do you feel?!"
"Umm, I feel about it the same way I feel about the finale of The Walking Dead. Equal parts dread and anticipation? Is that the right answer?"
That comparison, as you can imagine, only works for certain people, but I digress.
I've now seen the finale (hold me and don't let go), but there's still no baby. A few false alarms and all the desperate praying, but no baby.
And I'm going crazy.
I thought getting her nursery set up would calm me down. Nope. I thought getting all of her clothes organized by size would make me feel prepared. Sorry. I thought filling my freezer with food would help me feel more at ease. Well, taking notes on the first two, I just decided to skip that one. I mean, cereal is delicious.
We're all waiting for something, right? No matter how big or small, we do the teenage girl thing where we feel All the Things and never know quite where to land. So we prepare and fix up and plan out everything we can so that the waiting is more bearable and hope to make sense of our emotions along the way.
But somehow the clock STOPS. When I think I'm ready for something, the something decides to wait until I'm not ready anymore. I'm too crazy to be ready, so it's back to the starting line. And it's downright annoying.
Frankly, I don't know know what I'm saying. Or feeling. See? I'm just a rambling pregnant woman who has lost the ability to put words together. Truthfully, I don't know how regularly I'll post over the next few weeks here on the blog. Sure, some of it is time and the baby that I assume is coming, but right now, my emotions are sapping my ability to see anything but the waiting.
So I wait. And maybe you do, too.
If you're into Jesus, it's nice to know he hasn't abandoned us. If you're not so into Jesus, you're still not abandoned. I'm here, and I'll wait with you in all your crazy. Because there's no emotional formula for waiting. Just feel what you need to feel when you need to feel it. We'll do it together.
What are you waiting for? And what emotions make you feel like a crazy person?
P.S. If you're on The Lazy Genius Collective mailing list, that means two things. 1) You're a baller person. Bravo. 2) You didn't get a Genius Journal yesterday like usual! My email program wasn't working; apparently it was enjoying the last day of spring break, too. Hopefully we'll be up and running next week! Not a member? Check out why you should join! We'd love to have you.